Thursday, July 11, 2019

Things To Know Before Indulging In Revenge Sex After Breakups

Revenge sex means different things to different people.
What revenge sex means to you depends on your motivation for doing it. Some people go out looking for a bang to get back at the person who broke up with them. Others do it in an attempt to get over someone.

Getting your heart broken or mistreated by someone you care about hurts, and like angry sex, revenge sex is a common knee-jerk reaction to being scorned.

In a 2014 study of 170 undergrad students who had experienced a breakup within the previous eight months, 25% admitted to having had sex as a form of revenge. Those who’d been broken up with or were angry were most likely to do it.

For others, it’s a type of breakup sex
Just like breakup sex, some will go out and get some as a way to show their ex what they’re missing. The difference being that instead of having sex with your ex, you have it with someone else.

Often, it’s a form of rebound sex
You know the old saying: "The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else". Well, for some, revenge sex takes on more of a rebound sex flavour as an attempt to get over someone faster.

Why do people do it?
They often blame it on their feeling at that moment. Even the least vindictive person can be driven to revenge sex after a difficult breakup or betrayal.

Here are a few possible reasons why people do it.

  • To avoid sadness
Sexual activity with another person really can help you avoid sadness, even if just in the moment.
That’s because it triggers the release of oxytocin, or the “love hormone”.

You also get a boost of it when in the throes of new love or lust, which can be a nice break from sobbing to Adele songs after a breakup.

  • To express anger
There’s a blurry line between revenge sex and the anger bang. Feeling angry is usually a sign that you feel hurt, sad, disappointed, unloved, or unwanted too.

Sex may be the way you choose to vent your frustration and anger after a breakup.

  • To boost self-esteem
There’s evidence Trusted Source that romantic rejection, unreciprocated feelings, and breakups take a toll on your self-esteem and self-concept.

Hooking up with someone can make you feel attractive and wanted, increasing your self-esteem.

  • To feel in control
When the other person decides to end the relationship, it can make you feel powerless. Some people have revenge sex as a way to feel a sense of control in the situation.

  • To move on
Revenge sex may be a way to help you move on after feeling trapped in or having trouble letting go of a relationship. You might see sex with someone else as a fresh start.

What benefits does it offer?
If you choose to partake in some vengeful sexual activity, it may actually be good for you.

The health benefits of sex are pretty impressive, and hooking up after a breakup has its own potential benefits:
  • It can reassure you that others find you physically attractive.
  • It can help you cope with the negative feelings that accompany a breakup.
  • The flood of dopamine and serotonin triggered by sex can reduce feelings of anxiety, stress, and depression.
  • The surge of oxytocin and endorphins experienced during orgasm can help you sleep better.
  • Sexual activity can relieve certain types of headaches, which are often triggered by stress.
  • Sex has been linked to an improved general well-being.
Are there any drawbacks to consider?
Revenge sex isn’t for everyone. While some people are able to get in and out unscathed, others may find the aftermath a little sticky, emotionally speaking.

Some cons of revenge sex:
  • It can blur the lines of friendship if you have revenge sex with a friend.
  • It may bring up old feelings and hurt if you jump into bed with an ex.
  • You may feel guilt, shame, or regret afterwards.
  • If you’re only doing it to hurt your ex, there’s no guarantee that it will.
  • The risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) is also worth mentioning.
General do’s and don’ts
If your heart is set on having revenge sex, here are some do’s and don’ts to help you out.

Do use barrier protection. Condoms can be used for penetrative sex or, if you don’t have a dental dam, to provide a barrier during oral. Be sure to have some on hand.

Do play it cool. Bragging about your new toy or tryst to your ex will backfire because they’ll see right through you. You won’t look like you’ve moved on and may even come off as desperate, the exact opposite of what you probably want.

Do be honest with yourself. Are you the kind of person who can have no-strings sex or do you have the tendency to get attached after being intimate? If one night stands have never been your thing, you could be setting yourself up for more heartbreak.

You and your partner should both agree verbally to any sexual contact before it happens.

Don’t talk about your ex. If you’re using someone to stick it to your ex, you don’t need to broadcast it. Besides, talking about an ex when you’re trying to get busy is so not sexy!

Don’t bring your rebound bang home. Go to their place or head to a random no-tell motel to keep things casual and the intimacy level down.

Breakups are hard, and expecting sex or the person you’re having it with to fix all the hurt is unrealistic and unhealthy. Talk to friends to help you through

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